Notes from Iron John by Robert Blye, Vantage Books, 1990,
Mircea Eliade says of male initiation: 'The puberty initiation represents above all the revelation of the sacred..before initiation, (boys) do not yet fully share in the human condition precisely because they do not yet have access to the religious life.'
Religion here does not mean doctrine, or piety or purity or 'faith,' or 'belief,' or my life given to God. It means a willingness to be a fish in the holy water, to be fished for by Dioysius or one of the other fishermen, to bow the head and take hints from one's own dreams, to live a secret life, praying in a closet, to be lowly, to eat grief as the fish gulps water and lives. It means being both fisherman and fish, not to be the wound but to take hold of the wound. Being a fish is to be active; not with cars or footballs, but with soul....
An ocean of shame sweeps over a child when it is shamed...
In 'The Raven' (Grimm Brothers) a young girl changes into a raven when her mother objects to her behaviour, and remains so enchanted for years; in the 'Six Swans,' six young boys turn into swans when the father, through his cowardice, opens the house to evil, and the boys remain enchanted for years...
The Wild Man's water does not itself heal the wound that led to the escape or ascension; but it gives strength to the part of us that wants to to continue the effort to gain courage and be human. (p.38-39)...
As we know from Phillipe Aries's Centuries of Childhood, before the nineteenth century or so there were no clothes designed especially for children. During and after the Middle Ages the child said, "I am a small- sized adult" and he or she wore clothes similar to those the adults wore. That practice had some drawbacks, but the reversal has been catastrophic. When people identify themselves with their wounded child, or remain children, the whole culture goes to pieces. We learn from teenage pregnancies that children cannot mother their own children or father their own children. People lead lives that radiate destruction to the immediate famly as well as to the neighbourhood. Everyone is in the emergency ward. (p. 35)
The recovery of some form of initiation is essential to the culture....
All wounds threaten our princehood. The shame blows, 'Who do you think you are? You're just a snotty-nosed kid like all the rest,' are like blows to the princes stomach. And there is always something wrong with us. One boy feels too thin, or too short, or too stringy; anothe rhas a stutter or a limp. One is too shy; another is 'not athletic' or can't dance, or has a bad complexion. Another has big ears, or a birthmark, or is 'dumb,' can't hit the ball, and so on. We usually solve the problem by inflating ourselves further. A little ascension takes us above it all.
Perhaps some grandiosity or godlikeness us useful in protecting ourselves when we are very young. Alice Miller remarks that when abuse enters, when the parents do cruelties the child cannot imagine any parent doing, it takes either a grandiose road or a depressed road. If we take the grandiose road, we climb up above the wound and the shame. Perhaps we get good grades, become the one in the family hired to be cheerful, become a short of doctor of our own suffering, take care of others. Something prodigious carries us away. We can be cheerful but not very human.
If we take the depressed road, we live inside the wound and the shame. We are actually closer to the wound than those on the grandiose path, but we are not necessarily more human. The victim is an imposing person, too.The victim accepts the crown of victimhood, because a prince or a princess in another way. Sometimes men with no fathers take this road.
Each of us takes both of these roads, though we use one on Sundays' and holidays, and the other on weekdays. Some take a third road: it is the road of paralysis, robot behaviour, seriously pursued numbness-a hollow at the centre, no affect, no emotion upward or downward, automaton life.
Ancient initiation practice would affect all these responses, since it gives a new wound, or gives a calculatd wound sufficiently pungent and vivid-though minor- so that the young man remembers his inner wounds. The initiation then tells the young man what to do with wounds, the new and the old. (p.33-34)
The recovery of some form of initiation is essential to the culture. The United States has undergone an unmistakable decline since 1950, and I believe that if we do not find a third road besides the two mentioned here, the decline will continue. We have the grandiose road, taken by junk-bond dealers, high rollers, and the owners of private jets; and we have the depressed road, taken by some long-term alcoholics, single mothers below the poverty line, crack addicts and fatherless men. (p. 35)
Clearly, the need to discover, create, re-create, uncover...an appropriate initiation experience for all males entering adolescence, conducted by older men as mentors, who themselves may have been denied this significant experience and will therefore have to, themselves, undergo a similar experience of their own if they are to be effective as mentors for others is the next step, in any curriculum that seeks to develop healthy relationships between the inner and public self, between the young man and his peers, and the young man and his female peers. And while Robert Bly's book may seem both a little dated and written from an American perspective, and therefore not applicable to Canadian young men, there is considerable evidence that similar paths have been taken already by thousands, if not millions of young and not-so-young Canadian men.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Sunday, January 16, 2011
"Canadian Literature still mainly for women" (Frye)
The periodic warping and twisting of life brought about by May examinations has long been accepted (but)...the sheeer magnitude of the injustice involved in asking the hopes of our civilization to stake their most valubale years on the fortunes of a few hours at the end of each is sufficiently appalling in itself to dismay the stoutest, and when this is backed up by a mob psychology of a small college (Victoria College,University of Toronto) centred in residences, in which the leaders are always on the side of panic, the result is a distorted and almost inhuman existence.
Final exams in fact sabotaged real education for both ordinary and serious students. The former "find examinations an insuperable barrier in the way of getting an education"...As for protean scholars, whose work "is necessarily careful, labored and systematic...a random and time-limited quizzing is an impertinence." Using the Spenglerian image of the seasons, Frye saw the blight:"the possessor of a really fine mind who goes to college to have it orientated is at a hopeless disadvantage. If he gets a flash of genius towards the end of April, he might just as well have an attack of measles for all the good it does him. It is probably for this reason that the fine arts, which require real talent, genuine love for the work, careful and properly balanced and regularized study, and to which examinations are consequently fatal, have been so rigidly ruled out of the 'arts' courses. Literature still remains, however, mainly for the benefit of women. As a result Canadian literature is decadent and commonplace, for the literature of a young country needs to be young too, and what is done in Canada, though it may partake of the stifling heat of summer, the cheap gaudiness of autumn, and the sterility of winter, can never reflect the awakening enthusiasm of spring which those educated here have always missed--for the average man brought up on May examinations knows as little about spring as he does about a sunrise.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
#2 Seeds of a relationship-building curriculum for males
(You can find PART 1 on December 10, 2010)
As you can notice, we believe that every opportunity for relationship building, including pen-pal letters, shared interest activities, team sports, especially in a house league, social activities implementing formal lessons on how to be a good guest, and how to be a good host...these are all valid exercises within the school ambience, the family ambience, if relevant the church, synagogue or mosque ambience.
And at the point where the male student has arrived in grade six or seven, specific instructions in the expectations of the opposite gender become important. And these expectations do not start with, or even include, those of a physical or sexual nature.
There are skills in active listening that require formal instruction. Such activities as feed-back, mirroring, interviewing, summarizing, "subbing" (or serving as a substitute for the other's thoughts and feelings), and in general empathy for the other's thoughts, feelings, opinions are extremely important, relevant and useful beyond the arena of formal dating.
Differences in the perceptions of male and female students can be explored in co-ed classes, and formal experimental sessions in learning how to dance, and how to hold another person (in ballroom dancing style) and how to make and sustain eye contact with another person will require considerable planning time and sensitive deliberation from the instructors, hopefully both male and female will be participating.
During these instructional, experimental sessions, which could also include pairings while on field trips, each participant would be expected to keep mental notes about those feelings, both positive and negative, that were generated at various times in the event, and a formal opportunity to present those 'notes' to the partners would follow the event, as an integral part of the exercise.
Early in adolescence, students find part-time jobs, and for males, this might include yard work, shovelling snow (in certain climates), and apprenticeships in various job sites. Prior to the start of this exercise, it is important to teach the expectations of the employer, as an integral part of the building of relationships for the male student.
Here is an opportunity for the teaching of concepts like the meaning and importance of power and authority, how to negotiate within the boundaries of that power and authority, including the power and authority of the parent. Formal classes with both genders and their parents would include negotiating skills for the students, which would then be practiced with the parents, while the process is supervised by the team of instructors.
(Naturally, all instructors would have already participated in their own learning sessions, in such skills as active listening, negotiating, mediating, and the exercise of power and authority, both as a part of this curriculum, and as part of their training as classroom teachers.)
Guidelines for these encounters, classes, interactions, feedback sessions...would include the rejection of any form of abuse, name-calling, bullying, and judgemental statements. Only "I" statements would be permitted.
"When X did (or said) that, I felt ............" is one example of a statement that would pass muster.
"I think (or feel) this about that observation"....is another statement that can be both taught and practiced, during these sessions.
Whn there is a larger conflict, especially between two individuals of the opposite gender (or same gender) it could be an opportunity to teach such interventions (from Adler) as the following:
1) Speaker A expresses a view for an agreed time limit (such as 2 or 3 minutes) while person B remains completely silent, and listens intently taking in each nuance of the statement from person A;
2) Speaker B then feeds back everything that he has heard from person A, in a shorter time frame (such as 1 minute)
3) Speaker A makes some minor alterations, if necessary, in the statement from person B's feedback (again in a 1-minute time)
4) that session is terminated, without additional comversation, comments, observations, retorts of any kind.
(The goal here is that both people come to understand precisely the view, feelings, position of the other, without entering into debate. Time apart, for reflection, is both needed and permitted before any additional contact is contemplated.)
Perhaps the next day, the supervising teacher might ask each person for any reflections, in the presence of the other.
The opportunity for clarification, through both feedback and clarifying questions as part of the relationship-building process could ideally be reinforced by the inclusion of the process in the academic classrooms of the teaching faculty. This is a skill whose need can never be overstated, in many life situations, at work, in the home and in any social relationship.
Another feature of this part of the curriculum is that it is not generated by the school administration to reduce the frequency and severity of conflict in the playground, as a discipline exercise. It is integral specifically to the development of more effective and mutually beneficial relationships first between and among students and only secondarily between students and faculty or administration. In other words, it is not imposed as a means to generate improved discipline statistics for the school.
In this more complicated portion of the curriculum, each student would be assigned a teacher/coach who could be available, in formally assigned time periods, for private consultation, about the issues raised by the relationship-building exercises. In these sessions, the coach would serve as active listener, without providing answers to the questions being asked, or the issues being rasied. This restraint would require special training prior to the commencement of the program to avoid simplifying the situations, and to avoid taking control of the potential options available to the student, in any particular situation.
There might even be occasions when two students who had experienced a pairing activity might seek the intervention of the coach, and in that event, perhaps the coach assigned to each student would be present.
It takes considerable time and much focused energy to develop healthy relationships, and none of this activity should be begun without a full appreciation of the mutilple implications, time requirements and costs involved in making the program successful.
(Part 3 to follow.)
As you can notice, we believe that every opportunity for relationship building, including pen-pal letters, shared interest activities, team sports, especially in a house league, social activities implementing formal lessons on how to be a good guest, and how to be a good host...these are all valid exercises within the school ambience, the family ambience, if relevant the church, synagogue or mosque ambience.
And at the point where the male student has arrived in grade six or seven, specific instructions in the expectations of the opposite gender become important. And these expectations do not start with, or even include, those of a physical or sexual nature.
There are skills in active listening that require formal instruction. Such activities as feed-back, mirroring, interviewing, summarizing, "subbing" (or serving as a substitute for the other's thoughts and feelings), and in general empathy for the other's thoughts, feelings, opinions are extremely important, relevant and useful beyond the arena of formal dating.
Differences in the perceptions of male and female students can be explored in co-ed classes, and formal experimental sessions in learning how to dance, and how to hold another person (in ballroom dancing style) and how to make and sustain eye contact with another person will require considerable planning time and sensitive deliberation from the instructors, hopefully both male and female will be participating.
During these instructional, experimental sessions, which could also include pairings while on field trips, each participant would be expected to keep mental notes about those feelings, both positive and negative, that were generated at various times in the event, and a formal opportunity to present those 'notes' to the partners would follow the event, as an integral part of the exercise.
Early in adolescence, students find part-time jobs, and for males, this might include yard work, shovelling snow (in certain climates), and apprenticeships in various job sites. Prior to the start of this exercise, it is important to teach the expectations of the employer, as an integral part of the building of relationships for the male student.
Here is an opportunity for the teaching of concepts like the meaning and importance of power and authority, how to negotiate within the boundaries of that power and authority, including the power and authority of the parent. Formal classes with both genders and their parents would include negotiating skills for the students, which would then be practiced with the parents, while the process is supervised by the team of instructors.
(Naturally, all instructors would have already participated in their own learning sessions, in such skills as active listening, negotiating, mediating, and the exercise of power and authority, both as a part of this curriculum, and as part of their training as classroom teachers.)
Guidelines for these encounters, classes, interactions, feedback sessions...would include the rejection of any form of abuse, name-calling, bullying, and judgemental statements. Only "I" statements would be permitted.
"When X did (or said) that, I felt ............" is one example of a statement that would pass muster.
"I think (or feel) this about that observation"....is another statement that can be both taught and practiced, during these sessions.
Whn there is a larger conflict, especially between two individuals of the opposite gender (or same gender) it could be an opportunity to teach such interventions (from Adler) as the following:
1) Speaker A expresses a view for an agreed time limit (such as 2 or 3 minutes) while person B remains completely silent, and listens intently taking in each nuance of the statement from person A;
2) Speaker B then feeds back everything that he has heard from person A, in a shorter time frame (such as 1 minute)
3) Speaker A makes some minor alterations, if necessary, in the statement from person B's feedback (again in a 1-minute time)
4) that session is terminated, without additional comversation, comments, observations, retorts of any kind.
(The goal here is that both people come to understand precisely the view, feelings, position of the other, without entering into debate. Time apart, for reflection, is both needed and permitted before any additional contact is contemplated.)
Perhaps the next day, the supervising teacher might ask each person for any reflections, in the presence of the other.
The opportunity for clarification, through both feedback and clarifying questions as part of the relationship-building process could ideally be reinforced by the inclusion of the process in the academic classrooms of the teaching faculty. This is a skill whose need can never be overstated, in many life situations, at work, in the home and in any social relationship.
Another feature of this part of the curriculum is that it is not generated by the school administration to reduce the frequency and severity of conflict in the playground, as a discipline exercise. It is integral specifically to the development of more effective and mutually beneficial relationships first between and among students and only secondarily between students and faculty or administration. In other words, it is not imposed as a means to generate improved discipline statistics for the school.
In this more complicated portion of the curriculum, each student would be assigned a teacher/coach who could be available, in formally assigned time periods, for private consultation, about the issues raised by the relationship-building exercises. In these sessions, the coach would serve as active listener, without providing answers to the questions being asked, or the issues being rasied. This restraint would require special training prior to the commencement of the program to avoid simplifying the situations, and to avoid taking control of the potential options available to the student, in any particular situation.
There might even be occasions when two students who had experienced a pairing activity might seek the intervention of the coach, and in that event, perhaps the coach assigned to each student would be present.
It takes considerable time and much focused energy to develop healthy relationships, and none of this activity should be begun without a full appreciation of the mutilple implications, time requirements and costs involved in making the program successful.
(Part 3 to follow.)
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Paleoanthropologist says Modern Man weak, gutless dim-witted
By Robert Cribb, Toronto Star, January 8, 2011
We (MEN) are weak, gutless, dim-witted shadows of our past selves.
Such is the kick-in-the-groin conclusion of Peter McAllister, an Australian paleoanthropologist and author of Manthropology: The Science of Why the Modern Male Is Not the Man He Used to Be.
He says his initial attempt, which was to write a testament to the virtues of contemporary man, ended in failure once he reviewed the data.
“I discovered, to my horror, that it’s impossible to write a book about the superior achievements of modern males, because we haven’t made any,” he says provocatively. “From battling to boozing, babes to bravado, there’s nothing we can do that ancient men, and sometimes women, haven’t already done better, faster, stronger and usually smarter.”
From Amazon.com Content Description
Drawing from archaeology, anthropology and evolutionary psychology, the author (a qualified palaeoanthropologist) confirms the awful truth: every man in history, back to the dawn of the species, did everything better, faster, stronger and smarter than any man today. Highlights include: a biomechanical analysis proving that a Neanderthal woman would have beaten Arnold Schwarzenegger in an arm-wrestle; a philological investigation of why 50 Cent would bomb in a battle-rap with the poet Homer; and a comparison of injury rates between today's Ultimate Fighting and ancient Greek Pankration. Every modern claim to masculine fame is debunked, from terrorism (why wouldn't Osama bin Laden have made Captain in Genghis Khan's army?) to metrosexuality (why would David Beckham come last in a Fulani tribesmen's beauty pageant?). Even the modern male's bragging rights about parenting are shown up as fraud: Congo Pygmy men carry their sons and daughters for 47 per cent of their waking day, and some Pygmy dads even develop lactating breasts to nurse them. Now that's commitment...
It is difficult to argue with the scientist's evidence and the conclusions he draws about the comparisons between modern man and paleolithic males....and the standards, especially the physical ones, perpetuate the cultural myth of size and endurance in such affairs as military and athletic and sexual. However, when it comes to spending time with our children, that is not a physical strength, per se. It is rather an emotional and a physical commitment....
And modern man has certainly sold out to the pursuit of money and status, both of which will not serve either his family nor his legacy well.
We (MEN) are weak, gutless, dim-witted shadows of our past selves.
Such is the kick-in-the-groin conclusion of Peter McAllister, an Australian paleoanthropologist and author of Manthropology: The Science of Why the Modern Male Is Not the Man He Used to Be.
He says his initial attempt, which was to write a testament to the virtues of contemporary man, ended in failure once he reviewed the data.
“I discovered, to my horror, that it’s impossible to write a book about the superior achievements of modern males, because we haven’t made any,” he says provocatively. “From battling to boozing, babes to bravado, there’s nothing we can do that ancient men, and sometimes women, haven’t already done better, faster, stronger and usually smarter.”
From Amazon.com Content Description
Drawing from archaeology, anthropology and evolutionary psychology, the author (a qualified palaeoanthropologist) confirms the awful truth: every man in history, back to the dawn of the species, did everything better, faster, stronger and smarter than any man today. Highlights include: a biomechanical analysis proving that a Neanderthal woman would have beaten Arnold Schwarzenegger in an arm-wrestle; a philological investigation of why 50 Cent would bomb in a battle-rap with the poet Homer; and a comparison of injury rates between today's Ultimate Fighting and ancient Greek Pankration. Every modern claim to masculine fame is debunked, from terrorism (why wouldn't Osama bin Laden have made Captain in Genghis Khan's army?) to metrosexuality (why would David Beckham come last in a Fulani tribesmen's beauty pageant?). Even the modern male's bragging rights about parenting are shown up as fraud: Congo Pygmy men carry their sons and daughters for 47 per cent of their waking day, and some Pygmy dads even develop lactating breasts to nurse them. Now that's commitment...
It is difficult to argue with the scientist's evidence and the conclusions he draws about the comparisons between modern man and paleolithic males....and the standards, especially the physical ones, perpetuate the cultural myth of size and endurance in such affairs as military and athletic and sexual. However, when it comes to spending time with our children, that is not a physical strength, per se. It is rather an emotional and a physical commitment....
And modern man has certainly sold out to the pursuit of money and status, both of which will not serve either his family nor his legacy well.
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